Roger That

This may make me sound like I’ve started to hunt down a certain type of man in my hometown of Toronto, but it’s really not true.

I met a Brit. He’s a pilot. I met him while travelling and we ended up hanging out a couple of times.

What he taught me is something I already knew, and something people need to learn about themselves. I learned that I like attention, and I like to be around the person I’m seeing. I want to accidently find myself in a relationship, because I just can’t stop wanting to call and talk to this person, or see them. This knowledge of me was first introduced to me a few years ago when I refused to admit that I was in a relationship with someone until my best friend told me I was in fact dating him. I finally admitted to myself that I was dating him. I couldn’t stop calling him, seeing him, having dinners, picking him up from work… kissing him. I fell into that relationship. But the best part was, he was my best friend at that time. I could tell him anything and I could be myself around him all the time.

Needless to say, things didn’t work out with him. It was a question of our lives going in different directions, and he’s still one of my very good friends, but being together just wasn’t going to work out.

So this little tidbit about me has come to light once again. This pilot is great, and we have a great time together. We make fun of each other’s accents and phrases. We laugh a lot together and he makes me tea. But he’s always leaving. He leaves five times a week. And when he’s not leaving, he is usually at home, visiting his family. (Oh yes, let me explain, I’m not in Canada right now. I’m in Spain). He pretty well hates Spain, and anywhere that isn’t England, so he’s always trying to get out.

I have a feeling that there’s more to it than just that he hates Spain, but that’s the other thing: I can’t ask him why he really leaves. We aren’t at a place yet that I could actually ask him why he leaves, and not sound like a crazy, possessive woman. I’m not that person, believe me, but I do think that when two people are spending time together, and one of them suddenly has to leave, that they should give a little more of an explanation than “something happened, I have to go”, before they jump on a plane.

I think it’s important not to ask too much from the person you’ve just started seeing. You don’t want to seem clingy or needy or desperate. It becomes tricky though when you actually DO care what’s happening in someone else’s life, especially when you know its something that is taking them away from you. You kind of start to wonder what it is. Is it a sick family member, or is he just a mamma’s boy? Did his ex-girlfriend just have his baby, or does he just want a drinking night with his brother? Depending on the circumstances, it could be very understandable why he’s leaving so often, and going off to take care of his bits and bobs, but that circumstance could also be a big warning sign to you. It could be why he’s being so secretive.

So here is my advice to men and women alike who are in the beginning phases of a relationship: don’t hold back the things that you might think are a big deal, or things that you think give too much away. If you want to hang on to the person you’re with, be honest with them and don’t keep them in the dark.

From the other perspective, be patient. The other person will open up to you when the time is right. Don’t force them to tell you anything before they are ready or they will feel smothered and exposed. It’s tough to be patient sometimes, but it’s usually worth it. It’s like cooking a good meal: “5 minutes could be the difference between a good meal and a gourmet meal.”