I Know I'm Worth It. Why Don't You Try To Be?

I Know I'm Worth It. Why Don't You Try To Be?
Recently, I've been seeing a man who asked me to not write a blog about him: not to catergorize him and calculate him and break it down into something I can write and post on my blog for everyone who reads it to see. I now know why he made that request. So in the spirit of keeping his wish, I am not writing about him, but about a moment in time that occured only a short time ago, which made me think a lot about what men and women say to each other, and what they don't (and what it may mean to the person recieving the words).


Sadly, the other day he told me "You're a catch." ... I know. You may be thinking: why is that sad? It's sad only because of what followed: "I'm not good enough for you right now."


What I heard in that statement was defeat, and a decision. He had gone ahead and decided for me that he is not good enough for me (right now). Whether that is true or not, I'd like to make my own mind up about that, thank you. I think most women would agree with me that we are perfectly capable of knowing when a man is or isn't "good enough" for us. Maybe you're not, and she's hanging onto you because she's bored, or lonely. Maybe you aren't and she's hanging around until something better comes along. Maybe she knows you're not. Maybe she doesn't. Maybe, just maybe, you have the potential to be "good enough", and she sees that. Maybe she's seen it all along, she's just waiting for you to step it up (or get back in stride where you used to be!) Either way you slice it, if you're capable enough to decide that a woman is "good enough" for you, then you must surely know that she is capable of making the same decision about you. We may want a man of the house, but we're fully prepared to let the man know when he's good enough to be man of the house, not the dog-house.


When a man says: "I'm not good enough for you" a woman hears: "You may be worth it, but I don't want to try to be" or " You're not worth the effort to try to better myself" or "I'm letting you down easy, with a compliment, please take a hint". I'm not saying that's what men mean when they say that, but those are certainly sentiments most women I know hear when a man says that.


I personally don't think that any of the above statements are true of the man who inspired this, because I truly believe that I am worth every second of a day, and that his current situation is such that it leaves him feeling down because he is not be able to wine and dine me, and treat me the way that he must think I deserve. I think some men feel defeated when they can't wine and dine a woman, or when their current financial situation is not what they would wish it to be, or when they're unsure of where life will lead them next. I think this leads to a lack of effort on a man's part, or a woman' part, if the situation is reversed. If he feels he's not worth it to you, and if he doesn't try to be, then it's no surprise or heartbreak when you dump his ass for a rich busines man with 30 suits, gold watches and the ability to fly you around the world. When a person feels that they will fall short of something, it is often reaction to stop trying. If I don't try, then when I lose it, it's okay because I couldn't have really wanted it if I wasn't willing to really try. Right? Besides, if she did go for the douchebag corporate guy, you're better off anyway because if that's the type of guy she wanted, it's not you anyway. Again, right? All of this should make sense, and I hope it does.


But maybe, again, she doesn't want the douchbag. She may not care about fancy wines and dinners out, or stablity at the moment. She wants you. But maybe she wants you the way she met you, or the way she knows you could be, if you cared to be. Either way, if you act defeated, you are defeated. There is a saying that goes: "Dress for the position you want, not the position you're in". I think this sentence could ring true with what I'm saying today: Try to be the person that she wants, and you'll be the person she wants. That is not to say that you should put on an act. Never do that. I promise you that no woman (or man) is worth it, and in the end, someone will likely get very, very hurt (and hate you and curse your name and wish you to step in puddles in your new shoes).


When all is said and done, you need to be your true, genuine self in a relationship, no matter what that relationship is. If you really think she/he is worth it, then really ask yourself: then why am I not trying to be worth it too? And if you think she's a catch, then go catch her before someone else comes and does it first.


*Nota Bene: I think this man is worth it, and I know he knows that. Don't let me down.

Dramatic

I should start this by explaining that this is not my story, and therefore not really my rant, but seeing as how this man has been using my friend as a yo-yo, I feel the need to address the situation via this passive-aggressive blog.

Dear Wishes He Wasn't Dramatic,

You need to make up your mind. My friend will not be around forever, waiting for you to decide whether or not you like her. We all know you do! Pulling her metaphorical pigtails in the playground-of-work is not fooling anyone, and if you wish to keep her attention, you should pull your head out of your desk drawer, man-up and admit you like her!

Ya, ya, you've got stuff to deal with, skeletons in your closet and baggage that weighs more than the pile of papers on your desk, but she knows, and she doesn't care. We all have baggage that we probably wish we didn't. I distrust men, Rachel doesn't like to be without one, and Caroline seems to only end up with the ones who are previously engaged. Baggage. Who cares. If you like this woman, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!! Either that, or stop with the weird comments and sideways glances. People are noticing and if you don't want to draw attention to it, don't do it.

Be decisive. Make a decision. That is all I ask.

Sincerely,

Wishing This Man Would Stop Being More Of a Woman Than I Am.

Lesson for men and women alike: I don't know how many times I can reiterate that we need to go after what we want. I recently told a man that when I see what I want, I go get it. Seriously. We need to stop this sitting around waiting for things in life to happen, whether that be relationships, work, travel, promotions, friendships, whatever. This society has gotten so lazy, and I admit that there are times I fall short on the gab-life-by-the-balls scale, but I've decided to try harder this year. Its 2012, and for those of you who believe that the world is ending this year, THIS IS YOUR LAST YEAR OF LIFE! What are you going to do with it? Cancer patients and people with terminal illnesses often decide to start really living in the time that they've been told is the rest of their life. 6 months, a year... why wait? Why wait until you're told the end is here to start living? Why not take a chance and ask that girl/ guy out? Why not work a little harder so that you can go on that vacation you've always wanted? Why not strive to make changes that will better your living situation? Why do we settle for mediocre until we're told we're dying? What are we afraid of?

Stop waiting for life to happen. Do something.