I met a man a few months back who seemed... just right. I don't mean to sound like Goldilocks here, but when you've gone from bad, to okay, to what-was-I-thinking, to this-guy-might-be-fun-to-date-for-a-while; when you finally come across a man who is just right, you notice it.
He was smart and funny, had a decent job, ambition, dreams, hopes, and a good balance of family, fun and work. He liked to get outdoors and have adventures, as well as spend time just hanging out. Not too hot, not too arrogant. I wouldn't say he was perfect, and you'll soon see why, but he sure was close!
We met a few months back while I was going through a 'Non-Practicing' phase in life, meaning that I decided to just not date, at all. We met through work and chatted a few times over the phone about work needs, and the conversation always strayed to personal things. We're very close in age, and so we have quite a few things in common and I have no doubt that he was buttering me up to make a sale. He finally asked me out on a date (I say finally, but really, it wasn't that long that we knew each other, and there is always the challenge of crossing the line between "professional" and "personal" and still being able to hang onto the professional, even if it doesn't work out.) He took a chance. He emailed me one day after chatting on the phone and really put himself out there. I had told myself, in this Non-Practicing phase, that I would only break my fast of men for someone who really grabbed my attention. Well, this man had already grabbed my attention when he walked into my office a few months ago with his sweet-sweet goodies (cookies and cupcakes to be exact) so when he asked me out for drinks, even though it was in an email, I felt like I owed it to myself to go. For the duration of this blog, we'll call him The Cookie Monster (TCM).
The Cookie Monster took me out to a trendy little place off Yonge Street and we had a great time. He dressed appropriately for the date and was a perfect gentleman. He was there first, got us a table and politely waited for my arrival. Drinks and conversation were wonderful. We never didn't have something to say, which is something I notice on first dates (if you don't have anything to say to me after 2 hours, what are we going to talk about 2 months from now?!). We both talked about how we have no-one and nothing holding us back from adventures right now. We both like road trips. We both have sisters who are married and have kids. We talked and talked. He paid for the drinks, even though I offered to pitch in. And he drove me home.
Since this is a blog about dating, I will tell you that I will kiss-and-tell. And I have alot of good things to say about his kissing. That was just another area that we seemed to just ... fit. I ended up inviting him in to watch a movie. I can say that we didn't so much watch the movie (but we also didn't have sex- I'm really not the kind of girl to hop into bed on the first date). We made-out through the whole movie, and I would have just kept kissing him all night long if I had my choice. Unfortunately, we both had things to do the next day, so staying up past the early hours of the morning was not reasonable for either of us. When he was leaving, he asked when he could see me again. With most guys, I play it cool and tell them we'll plan something soon. With him, I actually wanted to see him again.. and soon. We planned for the next week.
Date two: only the third second-date I've had in two years because men just haven't impressed me. He again, came over to watch a movie. We watched more of this one, but not much more. We talked a bit, and made-out some more. I felt young again, in the best way possible. I actually guessed when my roommate would be home and closed my bedroom door about four minutes before she got home. I felt like a teenager hiding from my parents, but it was fun and sneaky (and not dorky and stupid). We poked fun at each other and laughed and talked about things we want to do in life. It was great.
I should mention that on our first date he talked about going back to school. He wanted to travel to another country to do it, and he wanted to go in September. (I didn't mention to him that to go to school for the particular thing he wanted to in September, you should have already applied... four months ago).
Anyway, the next weekend brought about a little trip for me to see my best friend, we'll call her Wilma. While I was on the bus, The Cookie Monster text me and told me to have a good time. Thanks! He also told me he was thinking alot about his life and where he was going. I told him to "Follow your heart" as cheesy as that sounds.
On my way back, I text him and he asked how my weekend was. Great, thanks! I asked what his week was looking like. This is where I think he flipped out. Not in a bad, freakish way, but in the way that frogs do when you drop them into boiling water. TCM called me and told me "I am just having fun" and "I don't want anyone to get hurt"... "I might be leaving in eight months"... All of these things I know. I am WELL aware that you think you're leaving in eight months. I was "just having fun", and I don't want anyone to get hurt either, but thank you for thinking highly enough of yourself that you think I'll fall head-over-heals for you and you'll break my heart when you leave in "eight months"! And by the way, since when does "What is your week looking like" mean "Hey, so where's my ring and when are we getting married?" I really don't know when or where things went so awry. He must have cooked himself up some strange ideas about what I must want from him while he was baking all those cookies for work.
I honestly don't know what I may have said or done to make him think that I'm the sort of woman to totally latch on, especially when he said on the first date that he might be leaving. I already knew there was a potential expiration date on whatever this was. I just wanted to have some fun with him too...
I suppose it's a good thing he ended it prematurely because I wasn't ready to give up being single yet!
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
To The Man Who Ate My Face
Have you ever wanted to tell someone the brutally honest truth, but because you've only been on one date, and you weren't really expecting it to go much farther than that, you feel like you can't? That's what I feel today.
I went on a date with a man last weekend and it was fine. I use the term "fine" loosely because it was fine if you are a lusty fifteen-year-old looking to make out in a movie theatre and then again in a restaurant booth. If you add up all the pieces, I can't complain that the date went badly: movie (my idea, his pick, he paid), drinks (he paid), walked me home like a gentleman. However, if you add in all the tiny details that make a good date a great date, or in this case, a bad date, it was not good.
This is what I wish I could say to the man who ate my face:
Hello (x), I really feel like we need to talk. I feel like you need to know some things that could have made this date better. I am not telling you this so that you can apologize to me and have a second chance. That is a lost cause for you. I'm telling you these things for the benefit of the next woman who has the pleasure of going on a date with you.
You have some interesting things to say. You're intelligent, and women appreciate that, so don't dumb yourself down on the date- we won't like you if you do that.
I don't need to make out with you in the movies and at the restaurant for people to know we're more than friends. You can spot a first date a mile away, so there is no need for extreme PDA's. And you can tell a couple just by the hand-holding. I'm not into making-out in public.
If the topic of ex's comes up, do not spend more than 5 minutes on the subject of your most recent ex. It makes us think you're not ready to let go of her, and therefore clearly not ready to take on the wonder that is the woman sitting next to you.
If other sensitive subjects come up, such as religion, politics, family, or any other controversial subject that may be cause for contention, approach with caution. Realize that while you may have your own opinions and that they may be quite passionate, unless they are a deal breaker for you, you need to let her take the lead on the topic. If she has opinions and you stomp all over them like a stampede of wild horses, in your need to express yourself, you're going to alienate her. Heated debates are for friends in a pub, not the first date. Eventually you and your potential new lady will have time for heated debates on these topics, but they can seriously harm a first date. Also, if you're going to make bold statements, be sure you can back them up. She may not have gone to school for whatever you're discussing, but if you offend her and she happens to know more about the topic than you and you are unjustified in your beliefs, you are likely to never hear from her again.
A twenty-something year old woman does not want to hear fifteen times in one date that she is "cute". Firstly, no woman wants to be "cute". Thirteen year old girls don't even want to be "cute". Twenty-somethings want to be "charming" and "witty" and "fascinating" (if we're worth our salt that's what we want anyway). We can even go for "sexy", but only if it is used sparingly (I say that because while you may mean it as a compliment, we take it as that's all you're seeing). I once went through a phase where the word "beautiful" had no meaning what-so-ever because a boyfriend called me beautiful so many times that I stopped believing it. I couldn't decipher what he meant by it, and it got rather annoying, and my brain just stopped processing anything he said after he would say "you're so beautiful". So what? What else am I? The next guy I dated didn't mention my looks or his attraction to my physical person until three months into our relationship. One day he just turned to me and said, "My God, you're beautiful". My heart stopped. I believed him. You should strive for that effect on your woman.
And lastly, I must tell you this, and it breaks my heart to do it, but I feel like you're never going to find a wife if I don't. You're a bad kisser. Terrible, in fact. Awful. Dreadful. I could go on, but berating you with words like that will not help your self-esteem. Though, in this case, that may not be a bad thing. You need to learn to hold back a bit. You're kissing like you're ready to fuck, and if you fuck like you kiss, stay out of my bed. My mouth is not a cement sidewalk and it doesn't need something hammering into it. Your tongue should not be rammed halfway down my throat - I don't have my tonsils anymore, you don't need to check for them. Kissing should be a melding of both of your styles and techniques and if you take over like you did and it's not good, she won't want to kiss you again. A friend of mine gave some good advice for men once: let her take the lead on the first kiss, that way you'll know what she likes, and you can adapt your own techniques to be the best kiss she's ever had.
One more thing about that kissing part, she doesn't want to have your saliva all over her face. She may have done her makeup, and if she didn't she's likely either blessed with clear skin, or has an aversion to anything on her face besides moisturizer. So don't open your mouth too wide, or let your tongue stray too far from her lips. If she wants sloppy kisses, she'll buy a puppy. If you're going to stray off her mouth, make sure your teeth aren't getting in the way of lips on skin. They're distracting, and they hurt.
I hope you can take this advice and apply it to your next date. Hopefully the next one will want to see you again.
Sincerely,
The Woman Who's Face You Ate.
I went on a date with a man last weekend and it was fine. I use the term "fine" loosely because it was fine if you are a lusty fifteen-year-old looking to make out in a movie theatre and then again in a restaurant booth. If you add up all the pieces, I can't complain that the date went badly: movie (my idea, his pick, he paid), drinks (he paid), walked me home like a gentleman. However, if you add in all the tiny details that make a good date a great date, or in this case, a bad date, it was not good.
This is what I wish I could say to the man who ate my face:
Hello (x), I really feel like we need to talk. I feel like you need to know some things that could have made this date better. I am not telling you this so that you can apologize to me and have a second chance. That is a lost cause for you. I'm telling you these things for the benefit of the next woman who has the pleasure of going on a date with you.
You have some interesting things to say. You're intelligent, and women appreciate that, so don't dumb yourself down on the date- we won't like you if you do that.
I don't need to make out with you in the movies and at the restaurant for people to know we're more than friends. You can spot a first date a mile away, so there is no need for extreme PDA's. And you can tell a couple just by the hand-holding. I'm not into making-out in public.
If the topic of ex's comes up, do not spend more than 5 minutes on the subject of your most recent ex. It makes us think you're not ready to let go of her, and therefore clearly not ready to take on the wonder that is the woman sitting next to you.
If other sensitive subjects come up, such as religion, politics, family, or any other controversial subject that may be cause for contention, approach with caution. Realize that while you may have your own opinions and that they may be quite passionate, unless they are a deal breaker for you, you need to let her take the lead on the topic. If she has opinions and you stomp all over them like a stampede of wild horses, in your need to express yourself, you're going to alienate her. Heated debates are for friends in a pub, not the first date. Eventually you and your potential new lady will have time for heated debates on these topics, but they can seriously harm a first date. Also, if you're going to make bold statements, be sure you can back them up. She may not have gone to school for whatever you're discussing, but if you offend her and she happens to know more about the topic than you and you are unjustified in your beliefs, you are likely to never hear from her again.
A twenty-something year old woman does not want to hear fifteen times in one date that she is "cute". Firstly, no woman wants to be "cute". Thirteen year old girls don't even want to be "cute". Twenty-somethings want to be "charming" and "witty" and "fascinating" (if we're worth our salt that's what we want anyway). We can even go for "sexy", but only if it is used sparingly (I say that because while you may mean it as a compliment, we take it as that's all you're seeing). I once went through a phase where the word "beautiful" had no meaning what-so-ever because a boyfriend called me beautiful so many times that I stopped believing it. I couldn't decipher what he meant by it, and it got rather annoying, and my brain just stopped processing anything he said after he would say "you're so beautiful". So what? What else am I? The next guy I dated didn't mention my looks or his attraction to my physical person until three months into our relationship. One day he just turned to me and said, "My God, you're beautiful". My heart stopped. I believed him. You should strive for that effect on your woman.
And lastly, I must tell you this, and it breaks my heart to do it, but I feel like you're never going to find a wife if I don't. You're a bad kisser. Terrible, in fact. Awful. Dreadful. I could go on, but berating you with words like that will not help your self-esteem. Though, in this case, that may not be a bad thing. You need to learn to hold back a bit. You're kissing like you're ready to fuck, and if you fuck like you kiss, stay out of my bed. My mouth is not a cement sidewalk and it doesn't need something hammering into it. Your tongue should not be rammed halfway down my throat - I don't have my tonsils anymore, you don't need to check for them. Kissing should be a melding of both of your styles and techniques and if you take over like you did and it's not good, she won't want to kiss you again. A friend of mine gave some good advice for men once: let her take the lead on the first kiss, that way you'll know what she likes, and you can adapt your own techniques to be the best kiss she's ever had.
One more thing about that kissing part, she doesn't want to have your saliva all over her face. She may have done her makeup, and if she didn't she's likely either blessed with clear skin, or has an aversion to anything on her face besides moisturizer. So don't open your mouth too wide, or let your tongue stray too far from her lips. If she wants sloppy kisses, she'll buy a puppy. If you're going to stray off her mouth, make sure your teeth aren't getting in the way of lips on skin. They're distracting, and they hurt.
I hope you can take this advice and apply it to your next date. Hopefully the next one will want to see you again.
Sincerely,
The Woman Who's Face You Ate.
Are you there God?
It's me Margaret.
... okay so this blog isn't about a young woman going through the turmoil's of high school, but it is about another very important part of being a woman: dating.
I plan to explore the in's and out's of dating by examining my own dating life (which has been busy) and give tips and pointers to both men and women in this phase of their life. So whether you're young and new to dating, in your twenties and trying to find "the one", in your thirties and ready to give up on finding "the one", forties, fifties, sixties and so on, come along with me on what promises to be an amusing and enlightening journey. I'll share with you all of my funny dating stories of the past and keep you updated on my recent dates.
Feel free to tell me about your dates too!
... okay so this blog isn't about a young woman going through the turmoil's of high school, but it is about another very important part of being a woman: dating.
I plan to explore the in's and out's of dating by examining my own dating life (which has been busy) and give tips and pointers to both men and women in this phase of their life. So whether you're young and new to dating, in your twenties and trying to find "the one", in your thirties and ready to give up on finding "the one", forties, fifties, sixties and so on, come along with me on what promises to be an amusing and enlightening journey. I'll share with you all of my funny dating stories of the past and keep you updated on my recent dates.
Feel free to tell me about your dates too!
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