No Bueno

As I said in my last blog, I am in Spain. I have been here for a few months now, so I feel the need to make a little comparison between the approaches of men on the street in Southern Ontario, and those here on the streets of Barcelona.

The men in Toronto, where I’ve spent most of my serious man-noticing time, either avoid eye-contact all together, or they say something under their breath at you like “hey, gorgeous” or “you’re looking good” or the like. It’s pretty much something that you can turn, say “thank you” to and then keep walking on your way to whatever you’re going to (hopefully a date with a man who is much better looking than the one complimenting you at Queen and Victoria or a streetcar stop).

The men here in Barca are very different however. I can’t always understand everything that they say, but they certainly do ask questions. I’m pretty sure I’ve been asked where I’m going, and if I have plans. These are things that I just walk on past and pretend that I think they’re talking to other people. I know I’d get sucked into a conversation if I even looked over at them. Spanish men are just that smooth. I can’t let on that I can’t understand them because that would just encourage them and their gang of friends to be even more crude, or worse, to come try to talk to me in English. That would be their in. You can’t show any weakness in this country, or you’ll end up talking to someone on the street for 15 minutes. They just don’t let you get away! I once had a guy walk all the way to the metro with me, asking for my phone number in Spanish. I don’t speak Spanish. And he didn’t speak English. How would we talk on the phone if we can’t get through something in person?!

The other thing that Spanish men do here, and I can’t say it’s the young men, because it’s mostly older men that do this, but they growl and hiss. And grunt. The grunting is the worst. You’ll just be walking along, to class or to the market, and you walk past a man and all you hear is “uuuHH”… ew. It’s just plain creepy, and someone should tell them that. It’s not just me that gets these sounds either. Every girl I know in this town has told a similar story of being on their way somewhere, by themselves or with a few friends, and they pass a man and hear “ssssssssssssssss”. Even if you’re walking with a man, or a couple of friends of both genders, “rarrrrh”. Gross!

I know I don’t only speak for myself when I say that hearing someone growl at me is not going to make me want to turn and strike up a conversation. I know that’s not generally the purpose of the grunt or growl, but it’s the most bizarre way to compliment someone. Half the time I don’t even look all that great either. A t-shirt and jeans isn’t dressed up for me (I know it is for some people, but track pants aren’t my everyday wear anymore, and I’ve worked in an office; jeans are casual) So when I am going to meet a friend for coffee or to pick up some fruit at the market, and I hear a hiss coming from the man I just passed, I just feel even more self-conscious about the way I look and actually feel less attractive when they’ve done it, or like I want to ugly it up even more just so the next man doesn’t do the same thing!

Don’t get me wrong, if I’m looking good and feeling good, I definitely eat up the compliment like bravas in a tapas bar. I am still a woman who likes to know my effect on men.

My suspicion is that it’s not just men here in Barca that behave this way, and that many of the men in romance language countries do this (besides possibly France, they’re pretty posh up there). My warning for any woman travelling to a country where sexuality is not taboo: be careful, and be fair-warned that you will have a sound track that isn’t on your iPod no matter where you go. Enjoy!