So I went out dancing with my girls Caroline and Rachel a few weeks back in my hometown, and the club we went to was probably one of the only bars in that city that respectable adults over the age of 21 can go. So we're dancing the night away and laughing with each other about all of the ridiculous dancing going on (there was a man who was shaking his hips more that I was!).
The end of the night was nearing and we had just finished paying our tab (and were drinking water) when a man we had been checking out all night walked up to us. He was tall, dark, seemed to have confidence, and seeing as how he had caught our attention much earlier in the night, none of us were going to say no to conversation with him. I must pause in my story to specify that he checked each of us out, fully up-and-downed looked us over, and then came and stood next to me (did I say "confidence" earlier, I'm sure I must have meant "arrogance"). I had to laugh a little on the inside becuase it was last call at the bar, how far did he think he was really going to get with me?
Anyway, so he asks me my name, to which I replied "Julie" because I rarely give my real name out in bars, and I asked his. He proceeded to ask me what I do, and when I told him, he got a freaked out look on his face. Without giving away too much, I work for a type of company that only people who do bad things would be scared of (and not even, because my company doesn't even deal with bad people... well... mostly).
I then asked what he does. I'm going to write parts of our conversation out, and the parts that are in brackets are my thoughts. The *inserts* are meant to be my descriptions in boxing terms.. you'll see why momentarily. He told me:
"I used to be a Boxer, but now I move furniture for the Brick". *spar*
"Good for you (liar)." *spar*
"Ya, I mean it's not like what you do..."
"No, but it's a good job (even though you were never a Boxer because you have pefect ears like you've never been hit and if you were a good enough boxer to not be hit you wouldn't be moving furniture for a living, so if you're going to lie to me in the first five minutes of meeting me, you should make it something that's halfway believable)". *defend*
"Are you seeing anyone?" *swing*
"Ya, sort of." It's not a total lie. Just because the guy I want to be seeing lives hours of travel away, doesn't mean I'm available. *duck-and-weave*
"Oh." He didn't say anything for a minute. "So are you from around here?" *spar*
"Originally, yes, but I live in Toronto now."
"Oh. Really?"
"Yeah!"
"Long distance is hard." *left hook*
(pause) "I'm sorry, what?" I had to make sure I heard him right- the club was loud and I wasn't sure I heard what I thought I did. *duck*
"Long distance relationships, they're hard." *right hook*
"... yeah...?" *duck*
"You know.. " Iit was at this point that Caroline and Rachel decided we should dance for one more song before we would leave (to go swimming at my parent's house!) and I was glad for the excuse to walk away from this guy, so I let them drag me on the dancefloor. *weave*
We get out on the dance floor and the Boxer follows us. Side story: Some other guy who had been trying to dance with, well, any of us earlier ended up beside me and I had to physically take his hands off of me and tell him "No". Note to men: read the signals. If she doesn't look like she's interested in dancing with you, back off before she has to push you away. It will ruin her night if she's not me. I brush those things off pretty easily but some girls don't.
Anyway, so I end up back beside the Boxer and he asks:
"Would you move back here?" *jab*
"Pardon me?" *duck*
"Would you move back?" *jab*
"To here? No, I don't think so. I like Toronto." *hook*
"Maybe I could move to Toronto." *straigh-shot punch*
"What?" Again, it was loud in the club. *duck*
"Maybe I'll move to Toronto." *straight-shot punch*
"Oh, um, no. You shouldn't move to Toronto unless you want to move. It's not a city everyone can live in. Not everyone likes it." *fancy footwork*
"So, can I take you for dinner sometime? I could come to Toronto." *jab*
"Um, you know, I don't think the guy I'm seeing would like that very much." *block and half-uppercut*
"He doesn't have to know. It's just dinner." *defend and cross*
(WOW!) "Ya, still, I don't think so..." *block*
"Or you could come back here and I'll take you to dinner here." *jab*
"I don't really come back here all that often." *block*
"Oh." He didn't say anything for a few seconds and then he looked at me and said: "So it's really not going to happen then?" *guard goes down*
"No, I don't think so, sorry." *upper cut to the jaw, and ding, ding, ding! the Boxer is too injured to continue!*
And with a curt nod of his head he said "Have a good night!" and walked away. *shakes his head, shakes hands with the winner, and walks away*
I'm pretty good at hiding my true feelings, and sometimes I'm even good at hiding the looks I would have on my face if my true feelings were showing. It was really hard hiding the question mark on my face for the duration of my conversation with the Boxer, so when he left, I litereally yelled "WHAT?! ... did that just happen?!" I wasn't referring to the fact that he asked if it was going to happen and then walked away when I said it wouldn't. I was referring to the weirdness of him saying that long distance is hard and wanting to move to Toronto 45 seconds after he met me!
How is it possible that women get labelled as needy and clingy and desperate when there are men like I that in the world! First of all buddy, as I stated earlier, don't lie. And if you're going to, make sure it's believable. "Julie" is a lie, but that's at least believable, and I never lie about anything else about myself. Fake names are for protection. You move furniture. You don't need to lie to me. You don't need to protect yourself from little sweet me, especially if you want me to move home for you!!
Second, slow it down a little. You don't need to interview me and then ask me on a date three minutes later. Well, I guess you do at quarter after two in the morning, but that is why you need to approach girls much earlier in the evening. Put in your time. What kind of girl would I have to be if I said "yes" to a date with a guy I met at two a.m. in a town I'm never in because he "used to be a boxer"?! I hope that's not the kind of girl that is actually desirable to men these days (hey, maybe desperate and easy is desirable for a while, but I'm kindof past the age where I'd be dating guys looking for that in the women they're dating.. I hope).
Third, I'm actually impressed that (after a little convincing) you got the hint, asked me straight up what you were thinking, and walked away without looking back. That takes a confident man. You took a chance, took the hit and lost out to one girl, and I have no doubt that you'll be back out in that club next week looking for another sparing partner to throw questions at, duck-and-weave, and fake her out until you can go in for the kill and pound her into a relationship with you. Good luck my boxing friend. I'm sure some girl will spar with you, lose her focus and you'll land a solid punch and knock her out, right into your waiting arms.
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