Just Friends

For years the question had been asked: Can men and women be just friends? Well, I'm not going to try to answer it for everyone, but I will share my opinion.

The question has been posed to me many times, as I tell people I have a few really good male friends, and people always want to know if we really are "just" friends. I've posed the question myself many times to different people, wondering what they think of the whole situation. Here is what I think:

For a man and a woman to be just friends, they have to both only want to be friends. There are no two ways about it. If only one wants to be just friends, then the other person will contantly be looking for something that isn't there, and suffer constant disappointment, though they may be convincing themselves that patience will have its payoffs. I'm not saying that it never works out for two friends. Often enough you hear about two people who were friends forever, getting married and living happily ever after (well, maybe not happily ever after, this is the 21st century). But I think when that happens, it was never completely off the table for either of those two friends.

I was recently asked out for dinner by someone who claims that they just want to be friends. This person is a conflict in more ways than one. Rejecting him may mean jeprodizing my career because it is a delicate situation, but accepting dinner is not an option because though he says "just friends" I don't believe him. If there is any doubt in my mind, I have to say no. Besides the fact that I could be fired if I dated him (especially when it didn't work out), I'm not attracted to him. I think attraction is very important to any romantic relationship and therefore necessary for any dinner I may be risking my job over. (Now all I have to do is figure out how I can say "no thank you" and have him accept that. I don't see him as a person who hears "No" very often).

Now I bet you're wondering if its off the table for any of my close guy friends. previously mentioned. I'm going to have to say: it is. A man will know when I am attracted to him; I've lost my shyness in telling a man that I want more than friendship. I can honestly say that of all of my guy friends, there is not one that I would want to date. I'm not saying they're not great guys, the are some of the best people I know. They're just not for me. Acquintences are a different story. I have many male acquaintences that I would consider crossing lines with, but there is much less to lose in dating a person who isn't in your close circle of trust. 

That is one thing that absolutely must be considered when thinking about making a move on a good friend: could you stand to lose the friendship? In some cases, it's go big, or go home; you can no longer stand to sit and watch them date other people and not make a move yourself because of your feelings. And in others, it's just not worth the risk to date a friend you can't absolutely see yourself falling in love with.

So now I pose the question to you: Can men and women be "just friends"?